It’s ironic but the communication skill we use the most is the one that is rarely taught in colelge.  We are in listening situations more than in any other communication situation.  Consider the table below.

We focus a lot of time teaching writing skills in college, but this is the communication skill that is used the least.

Before you can improve your listening skills you need to understand the barriers that limit your listening.  Exhibit A contains sample barriers that many people face.  Take a few minutes and evaluate the barriers that you confront.

Active listening is an engagement between the speaker and you that achieves the following results.

• You are able to summarize what was said.
• You are aware of the speaker’s feelings.
• You convey to the speaker that you are interested in what was said.

Active listening follows a three-step process that goes by the acronym CPR.

• Clarify is used to gain additional information that you might need in order to better understand what is said.
• Paraphrase is to let the speaker know you’re listening and that you understand the content of what was said.
• Reflect feelings is to acknowledge the speaker’s feelings about the topic – to validate how the speaker’s feel about the topic or issue.

Here’s how you can practice clarification:

• Ask follow up questions that give you more meaning.
• Focus your mind on what the person is saying not on your response
• Pretend that you need to report the conversation to another.  What would the person want to know?

Here’s how you can practice paraphrasing:

• Restate what you think the person just said (i.e. “let’s see if I got this right…”
• At the end of the conversation, try to summarize the key points (i.e. “let’s see if I can summarize the main points of what you are saying”)

Here’s how to practice a reflection of feelings:

• State how you think the person is feeling (i.e. “You seem to be very upset.”)
• Provide an interpretation of what was said (i.e. “Are you telling me that …?”)

You want to be careful in how you use the CPR method.

• Clarifying is generally better than paraphrasing
• Don’t reflect feeling by providing exaggerated sympathy
• When you ask a clarifying question, seek additional information and don’t ask questions just to ask questions.
• Don’t interject a false interpretation when you paraphrase to try to interject your own point of view.

In addition to the CPR approaches, there are some additional ways to become a more active listener.  These include:

1. Use body language that indicates you are listening.

• Lean forward (slightly).
• Sit erect.
• Nod your head a few times to encourage the speaker.

2. Use facial expressions to communicate positive expectations.

• Smile (when appropriate).
• Relax your mouth.
• Have an alert expression.

3. Don’t judge the speaker by the speaker’s appearance or your impressions of the speaker.
4. Don’t jump to conclusions by just listening to the start of what the person is saying.
5. Eliminate ping-pong conversations in which you and the other person try to ‘one-up’ each other.
6. Make eye contact with the speaker.
7. Consider what is not being said as well as what is being said.
8. Listen as if you were someone else.  Pretend you need to pass on the information to someone else.

Active listening requires skill development and practice just as other communication skills do.  The guidelines shown here should be able to help you in your development of active listening skills.