Managing a Long Distance Relationship
Imagine this situation. You are talking with your advisor about your poor performance the previous semester. You are on probation and close to being suspended. Your advisor wants to know what the problem was.
You start to describe how you struggled with the fact that your girlfriend was still at home. You made trips home every other weekend. The relationship didn’t last. Your eyes start tearing.
The above situation can seem humorous, tragic, or stupid depending on your point of view and personal situation. The reality is that one of the most common reasons for student failures in college is related to a long distance relationship. Generally these relationships don’t last, but in their wake they leave a failing student.
Here’s some advice on dealing with a long-distance relationship. The advice that follows may seem harsh and unsentimental, but virtually every student who has attempted a long distance relationship while in college would tell you the same thing.
- Before you go to college have a discussion with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Develop an understanding about
- Phone calls
- Personal visits
- Going out on campus
If you struggle with an amicable and realistic agreement, perhaps you should break off the relationship.
- Limit getting together to no more than once/month. Your grades will suffer if you get together more often.
- View the separation as a test of the relationship. Help each other recognize what is straining the relationship and try to avoid these.
- Implement a “no moping” policy and call each other out when moping begins.
- Be supportive of each other especially with regard to academic matters. Discuss your grades, your courses, and the challenges you face. What you don’t want to do is to end a phone call worrying about the relationship.
- If you sense the relationship isn’t going to survive the separation, cut it off sooner rather than later.
- If you do cut off the relationship, use school work as a way to keep your mind off of the failed relationship, see Dealing with a Breakup in College. Whatever you do, don’t get into unnecessary drama that will distract you.
You’ll have to realize that very few long distance relationships last. Fortunately the recovery time is short because there are lots of other possibilities on campus..